Of Rat Races, And Mouse Traps...

        Its summer! The time when the flowers bloom, the crickets chirp, cricketers earn, aam starts selling, the aam aadmi starts yelling, animals emerge from their holes, Man-U count their goals, and the 17 year-old teen climbs up from the hell pit of 'Board exams' and err...jumps into another hell called 'entrances'..(sigh)

       Hell, we write the board exam with the prospect of going home and hugging our CET book. Oh, how I missed them. Thats not all. Then you get a call from your dear coaching class asking you to drag your ass down there. And you're off...cursing them, mouthing shuddh hindi expletives faster than a Thane-CST fast. Colleges and coaching clases have a genuine sense of love for each other (Sarcasm? Nah!) They behave like they're Michael and Lucifer fighting the apocalypse. And in between, humanity (students) gets fucked. Midst the devil and the sea, you hate to be the vertex of the their love triangle. The coaching classes phenomenon has swept India. Their rankers list is the new page 3 for nerds. Integrated tie-ups give you the best (worst) of both worlds. Last heard, my neighbour plans to admit his 3 year old kid to an IIT institute with a nursery tie-up. The kindergarten teaches ABC, coaching staff teaches 123. No kidding.

       Soon enough, you start losing track of how many entrances you write. Now thats because during most of them, all you end up doing is admire your fingerprint, practise your sign, pose for the video shoot and shade innovative designs on the OMR sheet. 28 state CETs, 100s of entrances for each 'elite', national and galli college...Screw the Unity in Diversity slogan!! In India whenever a college's ego gets to its head, the managemnt says 'lets get our own entrance exam! Wont that be fun?!', just the way a tot yearns for a tricycle. Then out comes the results and every who-the-hell-are-you face greets you with a 'beta, kitna aaya?'  You put up a constipated look, while your mind secretely harbours the desire to slow torture the person. You HATE those fake, hyperbole-personified expressions on their damn faces. For every 'itna kam kaise aaya?', you want to slice the person or throw them into Mt. Fujiama or drown them in the Atlantic...or maybe all of these. Now I know how terrorists are born. 

       Now if you're not a student, you wont understand the amount of students vying for a seat. Lemme put this way, take the number of Kurla passengers in a 9:05 local and multiply it by a thousand. Now you get it, dont you? In short, the probability that you'll get a seat is lesser than India winning the FIFA, Baba Ramdev becoming the president, Kristen Stewart showing an expression, Rakhi Sawant winning the national award...Well, you got the point. In this rat race, the mouse trap of reservation is one that intimidates you immensely. 52% seats are reserved?!!! Fuck you. To kill casteism, you eradicate the caste system not promote it! For those of you quoting Ambedkar, the great man asked to implement reservations for 10 years, not a freaking 52 years. For godsake, Martin Luther King didn't go about implementing reservation for blacks. He demanded equality, not partiality. Obama didn't become preseident through reservations. Period. Media reports claim BCCI is planning to implement reservations in IPL. Every team will now have a backward class batsmen, bowler and all-rounder. (Get used to the sarcasm) 

Dear Indian government,

                              'Reservation Policy' is the evolved form of 'Divide and Rule'. Give us our royalty,                                                                                                                                                                                                   Sincerely, The British.

        'Do you know' fact: MBBS stands for 'Bachelor of Medicine,Bachelor of Surgery' and NOT 'Bring Moolah, Bargain Seats'. The agencies selling seats actually make you nostalgic of that wadapav walaon the road. 'Hot deals! Hurry before the offers over!'. I'm pretty sure in a couple of years it'll be somewhat like "Buy a MBBS seat, get a PG seat free!" Cheapness. At times I wonder how these agencies cater to their clients. I can only imagine what they talk.

Client: Areyy bhaiya, 'raahdiology' ka kya bhaav hai?

Agent: Fakta 10 crore saheb.

Client: Aise kaise?!! Baju wala dukhaan me tho 8 crore bola tha!

Agent: 8 crore me aapko...Paediatrics milel saheb...aani gyanecology pan aahet..

Client: Kya farak hai dono me?

Agent: Kahich nahi hai saheb!...ek bacha la baghtho tar doosra kaadtho...

Client: Acha ek Gynaecology de dena..doosre me 'logy' nahi hai...sunne mein acha nahi lagtha...

      Yet, we are the nation who're proud of our education system. From the grassroots to the elite, let me tell you, it sucks. Its not a 'grapes gone sour' thing, but a notion that every Indian student know is true in their minds....

                                          He who opens a school door, closes a prison. Victor Hugo.

                  

                                                                                                                                                                                     May 13, 2012