THE NOT-SO-GOOD TIMES OF INDIA

    THE NOT-SO-GOOD TIMES OF INDIA

                                                             21, May 2012.

City

Teen Joins Adivasi Tribe Eyeing ST certificate : 17-year old Bablu D'mello,   resident of Bandra, who secured AIR 13598 in recent JEE has shifted base to Navegoan forests on a mission to attain ST certificate in order to ensure an IIT seat. Bablu has carried along a BMW full of food, his I-pad, Blackberry and has requested offficials to provide uninterrupted Wi-fi connection in Navegaon.

Pride Of Mulund : Lingerie giant Victoria's Secret have employed Mulund-based chaddi-banyan gang as their Indian brand ambassadors. They have been sent special designer chaddis as part of a 10-million contract, as the ring leader Chinnappa revealed. Sources state that the reason behind the deal is that no Bollywood actresses seem to wear panties these days, let alone promote them.

Nation

Didi Celebrates Chelsea Win : Mamata Banerjee, in an open press conference, congratulated Chelsea on their Champions league win. Her support hails from the fact that Bayern Munich wear red. She went on to say that they are German Maoists and CPM cadres.

International

India-Pak Row Over Poop : 12 year old, Kashmiri boy Tinku's dog Rocky has pooped on the Line of Control. India and Pakistan jumped into conflict mode over who will clean Rocky's poop. After high profile meetings, PM Manmohan Singh said that he suspected that Rocky is working with the ISI. Pakistan meanwhile, urged America to intervene.

Bollywood

Tushar Kapoor Sues Maths Teacher : A maths teacher in a reputed school has been sued by Tushar Kapoor. The acccused supposedly showed a student the recent photo of Tushar Kapoor's Moobs when the student asked him what is a cone. Meanwhile, Breast Cancer Awareness agencies are in a hurry to sign Tushar Kapoor, riding on his fame.

Bhatts Remake Twilight : While Emraan Hashmi has been roped in to play Pattinson, Katrina, Deeepika and all other whiny, expressionless girls are in the fray for role of Kristen. The directors declared Sufi songs will be used in the scenes in which Edward stalks Bella.

Sex

With I-condom, Apple Sets The 'Balls Rolling' : The latest Apple product, I-condom, boasts of a length-width adjuster, a 2GB in-built song playlist for setting the mood, 15MP cam for recording live sessions, 3G connectivity for uploading it to your favourite website, and apps like Hard-O-Meter. Women can also like, compare and comment about their partners' 'length' and 'duration' on the WeenieBook App.

(Our columnist Sahinder Salsa is on leave owing to his penis being stuck in a garden hose. The reason he did it, is still unclear)

Sports

Gayle Molests Six : Cricketer Chris Gayle was caught having a sixsome at the Bangalore airport while he was endlessly waiting for the team's KingFisher flight to take off. The star has taken his obsession for sixes to a new level with this. Sources say Siddhrtha Mallya and fellow molester Luke Pomersbach were seen seeking advice from Gayle.